Seersuckers and a Neon Shirt

Ladies and Gentlemen I have a brand new addiction. For years I've refused to play it, watch it, or even talk about it, unless it was to make fun of it and the people who do it. My friends - call me what you will but I think GOLF is heaven sent! Before the Glorious month of June, asking me to play golf was like asking a fat kid to go to a salad bar. The answer travels an exaggerated amount beyond a simple "No". I want to sprint, slide, tackle, catch, sweat, bleed...Holy Crap I want to play - A SPORT. I mean C'mon! There is nothing Sport-like about a supposed "Sport" with a fashion statement. Moreover, it has never ceased to boggle my mind how a man or woman smacking a tiny, weightless ball into an ingenious hole in the ground earned the right to be considered an "athlete". Anyway, my friend Danny - being the all-around sports junkie that he is invited me to go to the driving range with him. It wasn't a real game - I can wear whatever I want - and I can smack a whole bunch of balls as hard and as far as I can. Eh, he convinced me. I got my bucket of balls, one of Danny's clubs and set myself up in my traditional (I'm going to smack the buhjeesus out of you) baseball stance. I swung at that thing as if it murdered my family and....it went nowhere. To the left, to the right, on the ground and of course, the occasional "STRIKE!" I even swung at it so hard that it flew out my hand and I promise you - no lie - the club went further than the ball! (Those who know me, ask Danny - he'll never let me live it down) Wow, absolutely pathetic! Some dude close to us I suppose couldn't take it anymore and decided to give us some pointers. Slowly but surely I noticed that my golf balls were flying longer and straighter. He showed us the machanics of a proper swing, weight control, balance, the importance of "the follow through" etc. Suddenly, I began to realize that this pointless un-athletic "Sport" was pretty hard. After we left I coudn't wait until I could do it again. (which happened to be the very next day) I now have my own set of clubs, balls, shoes, and of course my Michael Jackson Nike glove. I play and practice about twice a week and I'm getting better...slowly. Finally, so you know....Golf is not considered a sport because of it's difficulty, constant need of practice, and demanding competition. No my fellow bloggers! The answer lies behind the wheel of a "Life-threatening, heart pumping stallion" also known as "The Golf Cart". -Peace